Clearance sale! Every thing must go!

This year, several people close to me have had their identity stolen, their accounts used in other states, or have been called and harassed by scamming douche bags who pretended to be from the bank and wanted personal information.  I know times are hard.  I’m the last person who needs to be reminded that.  Earlier this year, I lost my job and I’ve been fighting to make ends meet and trying to make sense of it all.  Also, I’ve probably killed my credit score and probably irreparably destroyed my sleep cycle but I figured I’d lie down and accept the inevitability that  pretty soon, some clever ass wipe is going to procure my information or account numbers, but I’ve decided to build in a catch.

If you must take my identity, you have to take it all.  You’ll have to change your name to mine.  You’ll have to change your appearance.  I’m over weight, so go to your favorite buffet and eat there for a day or two.  I’m missing some teeth, back ones, so grab some pliers and pull out about 4 molars.  I have back problems related to posture so get yourself a nice bulging disc and attend rehabilitation for a few months.  I’ve got some wicked seasonal allergies, so caulk up your right nostril and 45% of your left.  I have insomnia, so drink a post of coffee in the morning, one at night and for god’s sake, don’t sleep.  Take some sleeping pills and laugh as you’ve attained the weird capability to resist them.  Come down with a vicious virus or the flu, vomit your guts out, spike a fever.  Now that you’re me, I should tell you I don’t have insurance.  If you go to my doctor it will cost you $85 – $90 and that’s before they tell you to buy $50 worth of over-the-counter meds.  You’ll have to take my car and it seems to like to take a few hundred dollars of extra money for random repairs and since it’s almost 10 years old, put another $100 or more on the side.  You never know.

I earlier mentioned that I’ve probably messed up my credit store.  See, I have about $50k of debt.  Eighty percent of that is due to my college education; congrats, you have a degree in Information Science.  It’s a degree that has been pretty much been fruitless for me, so prepare yourself to hear “we’re looking for someone with more experience” and the kicker “we’re looking for someone with a computer science degree (for some reason, although you’ve taken Computer Science classes and you cover the employer’s requirements, it won’t matter.  You’re not good enough for them!).  The rest of the debt is ‘in the cards’, and I’ve botched those up this summer.  For a few weeks, I’ve given up answering the phone due to tons and tons of calls from ravenous companies that want their money and have applied tons and tons of fines and interest.  They don’t care that you don’t have money and that you don’t know when you’ll get it.  They’ll want you to pull a date out of thin air as to when they’ll get their cut.

Finally, the coup de grace of this fine deal  you get to be me.  You get to list with my worries and regrets.  My loneliness.  My fears.  My sorrow.  Most of the time, you’ll be sober.  Every so, you’ll knock over a bottle of vodka and wake up with a painful multi day hangover.  All the feelings expressed will come back magnified.  There’s always a feeling of futility, that there is no escape.  There’s no escape from the joke that I call my life.  Suffering because the culmination of a life of trying to make things work, just doesn’t.  A feeling of loss of things you never even had.  You’re me.  You’re not clinically depressed, your depressed for good reason.  Now that you’ve decided to take what’s left, aren’t you proud?

That’s it, you got it comin’!

Dear Susan Somers,

Re: your attention whoring by making negative comments concerning Patrick Swayze and his cancer battle.

As a son who has seen what cancer can do to a loved one, let me deliver this message to you on his family’s behalf: Go fuck yourself.  You may have had cancer — not pancreatic, not inoperable, fast spreading, and aggressive, mind you, or perhaps you just may have had a suspicious fucking mole removed, I don’t know and I don’t care.  Just because you escaped from it using modern medical treatments (I understand you’d like to keep that a secret and claim you used your own cure) and cosmetic surgery, it does not give you the right to use it as a venue  to pimp your pixie dust sprinkling, bacon fat douching, fairy magic alternative bullshit.  When you have cancer and you have it as bad as Patrick and my father had it; you fight it for as long and as hard as you can and unfortunately… you die.  No amount of holistic bullshit and wholda, shoulda, coulda is going to change it and I take offense to you for trying to take advantage of that.

Over 30 years ago, you were relevant for playing a ditzy blonde on TV; unless you’re pulling this bullshit to get yourself scripted as insensitive and greedy flake, please  accept the consolation prize of a middle finger salute.  Please, no long winded bullshit speeches;  just bow gracefully and shut the fuck up.  For the past decade, you’ve advocated dangerous high fat diets, lame exercise routines, and supposed cures for aging that consists of high doses of artificial estrogen shots and other theoretical treatments based on your studies and based on my observation — it isn’t working so well for you…  You still look your aging and the paparazzi makes ya look just as chubby as ever.  Stop preying on the weaknesses of humanity and pretending you any kind of authority, you’re not.  You’re a snake oil salesman and I’m sick of you.

P.S. While we’re at it, why don’t you pick up our nations leading authority on psychology, Tom Cruise, and go for a nice long walk into obscurity.

Turbulence

There was a poll revoked from face book recently.  To that I ask of the deluded author: what the fuck is wrong with you?

Sir, these days, if you haven’t noticed, people aren’t as grounded as they used to be.  They’re shaken, they’re stirred, they’re having problems thinking and they’re confused.  They see death panels in universal health care and overlook that we have been living and dying under death panels for too many years (when you have no insurance and no income; your trip to the doctor is usually on a gurney in a hospital after you’ve fallen unconscious – trust me, it’s the medical plan I’ve lived with for years).  They’re using words like socialism because they were enchanted by disingenuous members of the GOP that if they weren’t going to get their way, it was what we were headed to.  Come 100 days into a new administration, these leaders and their pundits stoke the flames with cries stating that they’re disenfranchised because they’ve been asked to contribute a little more wealth to a country that’s been overburdened with wars, whose citizens have been stripped of their jobs and homes as a result of a demoralized financial system, thrown into utter chaos as a result of this system they claimed worked just fine.  They’re (leaders and pundits) contributing to fear and paranoia of crowds who come to political rallies donned with firearms and crossed arms who are near their wits end trying to figure it all out and you have the audacity to exercise your freedom of speech by casting a casual spark?

You, are an ass.  I’m certain you’re hard at work, feverishly brewing up some bullshit to serve because I’m also certain in the days to come, you’ll soak up every opportunity to be seen and interviewed by the press.  You’re remedy is to conduct a ritual with which you preface every typed, written, and audible sound with a moment of thought as to whether your next mass statement is socially acceptable.  If you find yourself lost in thought, by all means, seek professional help.

Today’s convenience, tomorrow’s flotsam.

I’m not as green or as active as Al Gore but I’ve noticed a setback in our society: convenience products.  I’m referring to the relatively new, yet wasteful things Corporate America’s tossing at us.

Today, I was watching TV and some commercials came on pushing dental picks.  I know these have been out for a while, but for some reason I see them pushed more.  A little bit of non-biodegradable  plastic with a tiny bit of floss at the end.  When has regular floss become such a nuisance that is makes it okay to fill landfills with this waste? I bank that flossing using floss picks don’t do the job better in cramped mouths like mine.  I bet I could snap that floss before it gets properly used … then I toss it?

Another item that irks me greatly is the new pet hair eraser brush put out by pledge.  We recently purchased some without knowing that after the area that traps your pet’s fur is full, you “simply” throw it away.  This product is significantly larger, uses even more plastic and other materials.  So, you take an item that can be retrieved and reused or degraded by nature (pet hair) you enclose it in resistant plastics and then you throw it away?  Why aren’t the companies that make and market products like these scrutinized?  Certainly, you can take it upon yourselves to recycle these things if you know what type of plastics they use and if you can separate the brush’s components but IDEALLY I believe these companies should quit trying to fatten their profit margins at the expense of out environment.  There’s got to be a better way.

Bite Tongue

For years, I’ve been trying to improve myself.  One of the things I’ve worked hardest on is jumping to conclusions and allowing myself to make assumptions; as well as, allowing other to shape my opinion.  I think we’ve made it way too acceptable to believe that our gut feelings, our opinions, and the words of others are the truth.   The truth can only come from the source of the topic or controversy.  The truth is first hand, it is not accompanied by words like alleged, I heard, they say, and it shouldn’t be dissected and analyzed for some skewed sense of it.

What I’m mainly referring to is government.  I won’t deny that I thought Bush and Cheney were the worst people to ever have occupied The White House.  I won’t lie when I say that I am a supporter of Barack Obama.  I can’t say with absolute certainty how things will turn out down the road, but I believe we will be better off than we were when the previous party left the office.  When he speaks, I listen.  When I’ve given first hand information concerning what’s going to be done, I look into it.  I take it in.  I think about it for myself.  I don’t read into things any deeper and I come to my conclusions on how I feel about what I’ve learned.  I seriously doubt everyone is taking the same steps.

I hear people spout from the mouths how terrified they are that America’s turning into a socialist country, yet these people had nothing to say following 9/11 as our rights were stripped from us slowly.  I didn’t hear so many gripe when fellow Americans were hauled away for uttering anti Bush sentiments.  Now we have a president who is articulate, a president who wants to work in the best interest of people, and one who is visible and audible on a daily basis and people are acting downright flaky.

One of the reasons I write of this is that I’ve never liked looking like an idiot for blowing things out of proportion.  I never liked being so wrong that people pass a crazed stare at me.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with questioning government but I do see problems when people run after what isn’t there.  The ‘going with your gut’ bullshit days need to come to an end and if anyone honestly feels there’s something wrong without any documented truth to it; then I urge to dig a little deeper as to the reasons why your gut is winning out over your brain. And no,  an opinion isn’t truth, it’s an opinion.

For final clarification, this isn’t a knock for anyone who is truly is educated and aligned otherwise.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I’m talking about those who exist out on the fringe (specifically irrational, fear stricken,  McCarthy-ist citizens we all want to step away from).

Summer on the wane

We’ve had a few days where the temperature’s dipped and it’s been chilly.  Leaves are also dropping even less subtle hints as the leaves lose their chlorophyll, change colors, and fall from the trees.  I like that it’s finally cool, that apples are ready to be picked and cider’s ready to be sipped.  When I was younger, I didn’t enjoy fall as much due to school.  I didn’t enjoy going, I had a hard time fitting in and paying attention.  I always looked forward to getting home, raking up a massive pile of leaves and throwing myself into them.  I found myself thinking of Halloween and wondering what I’d be and I usually would end up being whatever I could pull off at the last minute.

I just got an invite to a Halloween party the other day.  Last year, I was an angel (I’m far from that!).  The party I go to is not quite as I’d have one, but it’s still better than a quiet night.  I have no idea yet what I’ll be but if I can get some resources together, I’ll pull off something fun.

Anyone out there going to costume parties?